


How (Not) To Come Out To Your Parents

by ESawyer



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Child Abuse, Coming Out, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, background mcpricely, chris is panicking, conversion therapy, domestic abuse, even though it doesn't seem like it, this is actually fluffy, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 19:24:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20533301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESawyer/pseuds/ESawyer
Summary: Chris Thomas does not know how to come out to his parents.Connor tells him how to not come out.Kevin is annoyingly helpful.And James just needs a hug.





	How (Not) To Come Out To Your Parents

**Author's Note:**

> !!TRIGGER WARNING!! 
> 
> -Mentions of conversion therapy  
-Homophobic language  
-Domestic abuse  
-Child abuse

Chris Thomas is good at most things. Average, some might say. His report cards from school were always littered with with comments of how he was a ‘_good student_’ and how he was always ‘_on track_’ to get ‘_good_’ grades. And Chris was always OK with this. He never really wanted to be the top of his classes, never wanted to be a child prodigy and didn’t want to be so good at one thing that he would be terrified of losing his talent. He saw that in his sister often; whenever she messed up one tiny step in a dance recital, or had a bad rehearsal, she would somehow convince herself that she was a terrible dancer who would never amount to anything.

Chris is more than happy to never experience any of these feelings and takes a lot of joy in his averageness. He started to take even more joy in his averageness the day they found the Greatest Mormon to Ever Walk the Earth Kevin Price passed out at the bus spot. Chris will not soon forget the look on the missionaries face when he realised that, for once, he was not the best at everything when Elder Cunningham announced that he had ten villagers ready to be baptised. If it hadn’t been for the fact that (at the time) Kevin Price was the biggest d-bag to walk the earth, Chris might have felt a little sorry for him. 

(He learned to feel sorry for him, eventually). 

No, Chris Thomas is more than happy to be average. Happy to be average until he really couldn’t afford to be average, that is. 

When he and Elder Church had embarked on a tentative relationship weeks after Connor and Kevin had, Chris had been happy. After years of forcing himself to date girls because that was what he was meant to do, he had thought that there was no one out there for him. But after James had kissed him that first time in a (not so) stupid game of Truth or Dare, Chris had realised that his reason for not thinking there was anyone out there for him was because he had been looking in the wrong place.

And he is happy, but that doesn’t make the whole... _ coming out _ thing easy for him. A sheltered Mormon upbringing is good for some things - like, teen pregnancys really aren’t something that most Mormon kids have to worry about - but it’s also terrible when you’re a gay kid from Utah who can’t ring his parents and say, “Hey! I’m gay!” because he doesn’t know how his parents will react. Chris spends many a sleepless night casting his mind back to before his mission, trying to remember a time when his family spoke about gay people, but he never comes up with anything. 

It would probably be easier if Chris had been the golden child growing up, if he had been the Kevin Price of the Thomas family. Surely, if he had been the most amazing Mormon to ever Mormon, his family would just  _ have  _ to accept him and his sexuality. He probably shouldn’t have spent the majority of his teenage years napping during Sunday School, but no one ever noticed! How could he not take a nap if he wasn’t going to get in trouble for it?

This rather violent storm of panic raging in his mind, Chris sits in Connor’s office whilst the latter goes on and on about the work schedule. Technically, the district has been shut down. Technically, Connor is no longer district leader. Technically, he no longer has to shut himself away in his office for hours during the day to sort everyone’s issues out for them. Not that Chris would ever tell Connor any of this; it’d be a waste of time. 

“So, are you OK with proselytizing on monday  _ and  _ tuesday?” Connor asks, “I know I said that I was going to start giving you days off in between because we’re still wrapping our heads around the Book of Arnold but I have to go to Kampala with Elder Price and Elder Cunningham on Tuesday for that meeting with the Mission President - he’s still dying to send us home, but I just won’t have it! - and there just isn’t enough Elders out in the village,” 

Most of this goes over Chris’ head. He’s always found listening to Connor speaking too fast quite difficult. 

“Yeah, yeah...that’s fine,” Chris mutters, “whatever you need,”

Connor clears his throat and Chris looks up at him, eyebrows raised. 

“What?”

“What’s wrong?” Connor asks. 

“Huh?”

“You can’t lie to me, Poptarts,”

“I’m not lying, I genuinely have no idea what you’re going on about,” 

Connor rolls his eyes, “You have that ‘woe is me’ look on your face. What’s wrong?”

Chris glares at his mission companion and then shrugs his shoulders, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms. 

“I don’t know. I’m just thinking,” 

“That’s a first,” Connor says lightly. 

Chris retaliates by throwing a scrunched up piece of paper at Connor. It hits him right in the face but Chris is only momentarily vindicated. 

“I wasn’t going to put you on laundry duty this week but after that, I think I will,” he says, dropping the paper into the bin, “but seriously, what are you thinking about? You look troubled,” 

“How did you come out to your parents?” 

Connor jerks his head back as though Chris had just said something terribly offensive. A number of expressions pass over Connor’s face; fear, confusion and amusement, to name a few. Chris sighs and rests his head on his hand.

“Forget it, Con. Pretend I never said anything,” 

“No, no, no,” Connor says hastily, “no, I just - I wasn’t expecting you to ask me that. I thought you were going to ask for a day off, that’s all,” 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Chris says. 

Connor shakes his head, “No, don’t worry about it. Why do you want to know, though?”

“I don’t know how to tell my parents,” Chris shrugs, “I need advice,”

“Oh, uh, well..Chris - I don’t know - I’m not really the  _ best  _ person to ask how to come out to your parents. I did end up in conversion therapy,” Connor says, blushing slightly, “I can - I can tell you how to  _ not  _ come out to your parents,” 

“I’m so desperate I’d take advice off a brick wall right now,” 

Connor looks thoughtful for a moment. 

“I was...fifteen, I think...yeah, it was just before my sixteenth birthday...” 

_ It is a strange thing, to know that something is so completely wrong but to carry on doing it anyway. He likens it to when a waitress brings your food in the restaurant, tells you not to touch the plate because it’s hot and you say that you won’t, but the moment she turns her back, you touch the plate and get burned. When Aaron from across the street is lay on top of him, kissing him senseless, Connor knows that it’s wrong and is quite sure that he is going to get burned in Hell for it, but he isn't going to stop any time soon.  _

_ They’re just teenagers having fun. What’s so wrong with that? _

_ Aaron grunts and rolls off of Connor, much to his disappointment.  _

_ “Hey! Where’re you going?” _

_ “My back hurts,” he says, “I pulled a muscle swimming last night,”  _

_ “See, that’s why I don’t do sports. I’m never achy and you always are,” Connor says, sitting up and turning to face Aaron. _

_ “Yeah, but you’re also always in Church. You wouldn’t have time for practice,” Aaron points out.  _

_ “I have to counteract this-” he gestures between the two of them, “with Heavenly Father so I don’t end up in Hell!” _

_ “You’re not going to go to Hell, Connor,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes, “that isn’t how it works,”  _

_ “If you’re not Mormon, you don’t get an opinion,”  _

_ “Do I not get an opinion if I’m gay?” _

_ “No,” _

_ “That’s homophobic.”  _

_ “Is this homophobic?” Connor asks, rolling onto his side to kiss him.  _

_ “If you stop kissing me, yes,” Aaron says in a matter-of-fact voice.  _

_ Connor sighs, “then I guess I’m going to have to keep on kissing you,”  _

“...and whilst we were making out, neither of us heard the front door open, or the sound of my dad shouting my name  _ or  _ him walking through the bedroom door that I’d forgotten to lock,” Connor tells him, “what I did hear, however, was him damning me to hell and him calling me every name under the sun. Thus began the conversion therapy,” 

Chris grimaces slightly. He has only ever met Mr McKinley once, and it was very brief. They were at the airport just before they left for Uganda, and Chris will never forget the look of pure hatred that Mr McKinley gave his own son. It made Chris feel guilty about the way his parents so lovingly hugged him goodbye. 

“I’m sorry, Con. That sucks,” 

Connor shrugs, “I knew it was coming, I just wished that I had been a little bit more prepared, you know?” he pauses and bites his lip for a second before looking back up at Chris, “that’s my advice to you, actually. Be prepared. Write a couple of notes on what you’re going to say. All I did was cry,” 

“So you’re telling me to be prepared and don’t cry?”

“Or be prepared  _ to  _ cry, because it will probably happen,” 

“Thanks, Connor. This has - this has actually helped,” 

“Really?” Connor asks, sounding genuinely surprised, “because when I told Kevin that story, he told me that he was never ever going to come out to his parents,”

“Yeah, well, there’s no one quite as dramatic as Kevin Price, is there?” Chris mutters. 

**********

Chris stands alone in Connor’s office, holding the phone to his ear with his hand hovering over the buttons. He can’t bring himself to dial his parents home number, because if he dials his parents home number, then one of them will answer and then they will ask if he’s OK and he’ll start crying because he isn’t OK because he’s carrying a secret that’s too heavy for him. And then he’ll parents will probably disown him because they’re Mormon and Mormons aren’t meant to be gay. Mormons are meant to be clean cut and religious and  _ definitley  _ not gay. And Chris is no longer clean cut because there’s no good place to get a hair cut in Kitguli, he has no idea what he believes in anymore and he is most definitley gay. 

The door bangs open and Chris (embarrassingly) screams and jumps back from the phone. 

“Oh, shit, sorry, dude, it’s only me,” 

Chris holds a shaking hand to his chest as Kevin stands in the doorway, holding his hands up in front of him. 

“It’s fine,” Chris says, taking a deep breath, “I just - I wasn’t expecting you,”

“Well, I wasn’t expecting  _ you.  _ Where’s Connor?”

“I don’t know. I’m meant to be ringing home so he gave me some space. I would have thought he went to find you,” 

Kevin tuts, “he somehow always manages to disappear off the face of the - are you OK?”

“Fine - I’m...fine,” Chris says, hurriedly wiping his eyes, “It's nothing,” 

“We’re not meant to be turning it off anymore,” Kevin reminds him, “Look, I know I’m not as good with words as Connor and I’m not James but I can try and help. Probably,” he adds. 

Chris sighs and sits down in Connor’s chair, resting his head on his hand. 

“Can I ask you a question, Kevin?” 

“Uh...sure?” Kevin replies, sitting down in the chair opposite the desk. Then he freezes, “if you and James have broken up, I don’t want to-”

“No, we haven’t broken up,” Chris says hastily, “He’s sort of the problem. Well, no, not - not  _ problem,  _ he isn’t a problem, I just - I still haven’t come out to my parents and I - I don’t know how,” 

“You call them and say, ‘Hey guys, I’m gay!’” Kevin says bluntly. 

“See, this is why I don’t like coming to you for advice,” Chris snaps, “it isn’t that easy!”

“No, it really is,” Kevin says, “that’s basically how I came out to my mom and dad,”

Chris sits up a little straighter in his chair at this, “How badly did it go?”

“Um..it was...it wasn’t terrible...I mean, they aren’t - they aren’t  _ thrilled _ but well...OK, it was like two months after me and Connor started dating and I just...I felt like it was eating me up inside because I was getting closer and closer to a phone call with my parents and it was freaking me out but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hold it in any longer so...so I decided that I was going to tell them...”

_ Kevin sits and his eyes flicker between the phone on the desk and the clock on the wall. When it turns 11 AM, he’s allowed to call home. And he will call home. He’s just terrified of what his family are going to say to him. He has a nasty feeling that it’s not going to be anything good. He’s just hoping to not get disowned.  _

_ “Alright, come on, Price,” he mutters to himself as it turns 11, “just get it out of the way,” _

_ His hands surprisingly steady as he dials his home number. His mom picks it up after just three rings.  _

_ “Hello?” _

_ “Hey, mom. It’s Kev,”  _

_ “Oh, hello, darling. How are you? Have you figured out the funding for your mission yet?” _

_ Kevin closes his eyes at these words. He knows that his parents aren’t completely happy about the way his mission has gone, but they’re still talking to him and that is enough. He just isn’t sure that they’ll be able to survive what he’s going to tell him. _

_ “F-Fine, mom. Yeah, fine...uh, Con - Elder McKinley is working on it,” Kevin says, “he has a couple of meetings coming up with the Church but I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s um...he’s quite amazing, actually,”  _

_ “I’m happy you actually like who you’re on your mission with, dear. Your father never quite warmed up to his fellow missionaries. He still complains about them sometimes,” she says with a sigh.  _

_ “Actually, is dad there?” Kevin asks.  _

_ “He’s just in his office. Do you want to speak to him?”  _

_ “I need to - I need to speak to you both,” Kevin says quietly, chewing on his bottom lip, “It’s important,”  _

_ There's a pause on the other side of the phone.  _

_ “Is everything OK, sweetheart?” _

_ “Yes, yes. It’s fine, I just - I need to speak to you both. Please,” _

_ “Alright. Just give me a moment, love,”  _

_ The wait for his mom to get his dad is agonising. He puts the phone on speaker and sits with his head resting on his arms, trying to plan what he’s going to say. He thinks that the best thing to do is to try and explain everything, however long winded his explanation may be.  _

_ All of this goes out of the window, however, because when his parents come back to the phone, he just blurts out: _

_ “I’m gay!” _

_ And this is met with silence, which is probably the worst thing in the world, but at least they aren’t shouting.  _

_ “You’re...gay,” his dad says slowly.  _

_ “Um, yes,” Kevin replies, “I know it’s not - well, no, actually, I was going to say it’s not ideal but it is ideal because it’s who I am and I can’t change that and I’m really sorry if you hate me but I can’t change who I am,”  _

_ This is met by even more silence and Kevin is suddenly gripped with the urge to scream.  _

_ “Are you - are you happy, Kev?” his mom asks finally.  _

_ “Yes,” Kevin says firmly, “Yes. I’m very happy. I - I met someone. And he - he makes me very happy,”  _

_ “Alright, son,” his dad says, “I cannot lie to you and say that I understand what any of this means but...as long as you’re happy and as long as h-he is treating you well, then I...well, we’re happy for you,”  _

“...and then we spoke a bit more. They still haven’t told Jack or the rest of the family and I don’t think that they actually want me to tell the family when we get home but...” Kevin shrugs, “I’m going to have to tell them eventually. It’s not really the sort of thing that I’ll be able to hide from them, is it?”’ Kevin says, idly picking at his nails, “I asked them if they’d ever want to meet Connor, too,” 

“What did they say?”

Kevin shrugs, “they didn’t say yes but they didn’t say no. They sort of just went...meh. Like, my own parents actually said  _ meh  _ to me,” 

Chris groans, “I’m never,  _ ever _ going to be able to come out to them!”

“Course you are, man!” Kevin says encouragingly, “you’re just going to have to be honest with them. And don’t even try and write out a whole speech about how you are who you are and how James is the love of your life, because when it comes to the moment, you won’t be able to say it. Just keep it simple. Say it how it is. You’re gay,” 

“I’m sort of angry at the fact that this has made me feel better,” Chris mutters. 

Kevin grins and jumps up, clapping his hands together. 

“Time to face the music, Poptarts,” he says brightly, “good luck!”

They don’t pick up the phone. 

** ********

“Christopherrrrrrrrr!” 

James is the only person in the world who is allowed to call Chris by his full name, and he takes full advantage of it. Especially in the morning when Chris is refusing to wake up and he is bored out of his mind. But today is Sunday and he doesn’t have to do anything on a Sunday. 

“Shut up,” Chris mumbles. 

They are lay in their too-small bed together, and Chris is practically lay on top of James. A good thing, because this allows him to clamp his hand over James mouth. James sighs and moves his hand. 

“I’m so bored,” 

“We’re in Uganda. There are lions out there somewhere. Go find the lions. That way you won’t be bored,” Chris replies. 

James sighs again and wraps his arms around Chris, holding him tighter and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Chris giggles at this and finally opens his eyes, looking up at a smiling James. 

“Morning,” he mutters, kissing him. 

“Afternoon,” James corrects, “you’ve slept like a baby,” 

“I never sleep anymore, you know that,” Chris says, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, “I only ever sleep when you’re here,” 

They don’t get to sleep in the same bed every night, but whenever Arnold sleeps at Nabulungi’s, Connor sleeps in Kevin and Arnold’s room, and James comes to Connor and Chris’ room. The only time that Chris ever gets a full night's sleep is when James is there. 

“Babe,” James says softly, “what’s the matter?”

He sits up and puts his arms around Chris’ waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

“I’m still worried about coming out,” Chris admits, “I don’t know how they’re going to react, and I  _ hate _ not knowing,”

James kisses his neck, “You know it’s going to be OK, don’t you?”

“No, actually, I don’t,” 

“Your parents love you, Chris,”

“They love Elder Thomas,” Chris says, “I don’t know if they’ll love Ex-Elder Thomas who is gay and has a boyfriend,” 

“If I can come out to my parents...to my  _ dad,  _ then I’m sure you can,”

Chris freezes slightly. It is not often that James talks about his dad or his life before Uganda. He has started to open up a bit more, but it is very rare. Slowly, Chris turns around to face James so he is sat on his lap and puts his arms around his neck. 

“Tell me about it?” he asks quietly, kissing him on the cheek. 

“I think it was different for me. I wasn’t born into the Church, I converted when I was seventeen but came out to my parents when I was sixteen,” James says, speaking so softly that Chris wouldn't have been able to hear him if it weren’t for the way that they were sat, “and, um...I just needed to get it off my chest, you know? It was too big of a secret for me to keep, so I sort of just...blurted it out one day...”

_ James is not sure what posesses him to march into the kitchen and yell, “I’M GAY!” at the top of the lungs, but he does it anyway. The words seem to echo around the kitchen as his mother stares at him with wide eyes and his dad stares at him with an expression that James has never associated with anything good.  _

_ “James, where on earth has this come from?” his mother asks in a shaky voice.  _

_ “Sorry, I know - I know it’s not the best way to come out to you but I can’t - I can’t keep it anymore. I needed you to know. I’m sorry. I should have told you in a different way,” he says quickly, too scared to look at his dad, “I’m sorry,”  _

_ “It doesn’t matter, anyway,” his father says gruffly, “it’s a phase and one he’ll grow out of soon enough,”  _

_ James balls his hands into fists to stop them from shaking.  _

_ “It isn’t a phase!” he yells, knowing he’ll regret raising his voice soon enough, “if it’s a phase, do you really think I’d be telling you?” _

_ “I’m not having a fairy in my house!” _

_ “John, please, don’t-” his mother begins, but his dad shuts her up by slamming his hand down onto the kitchen table.  _

_ “The boy isn’t gay! He’s just seeking attention as usual!” his dad sneers, “he’ll forget about it by the end of the year,”  _

_ “No, I won’t! This is - this is who I am! I didn’t choose this! I was born this way!” _

_ Everything that happens in the next few seconds happens so fast, that it takes James a moment to register that it actually happened. His dad kicks a chair over, slaps his mother in the face before whirling around a slapping James in the face. He then shouts some more abuse at them before storming out of the house and slamming the door shut behind him.  _

_ “S-Sorry,” James chokes out, looking over at his mother who is just staring blankly ahead of her, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. Not in front of him. I didn’t think he would hit you. I’m sorry, mom. I’m really sorry. I know I’m the worst son ever, I should have just stayed quiet. I’m sorry,”  _

_ “Hush now, Jamie,” his mother says softly, walking over to him and placing a kiss on top of his head, “it’s okay. None of this is your fault. I’m proud of you for telling me that you’re gay. I’m proud that you’re my son. Never forget that, OK? And never, ever think that you’re the worst son ever. Because you aren’t. You’re the best thing in my life, James, and nothing will ever change that. Now, let’s get you some ice for your cheek, yeah?” _

“...and then my dad came home and he acted like...like it never happened,” James says, tears streaming down his cheeks, “when I joined the Church, my mom asked - she asked if I would be safe if they found out about me. And I just said I didn’t plan on telling anyone - which I didn’t - and then...that was it. My dad sometimes brought it up when he was shouting at me, used to call me a fag and - and a fairy but...” he trails off and wipes his eyes, “I don’t know. It just wasn’t often discussed,”

“Oh, Jamie, I’m so sorry,” Chris says, blinking back his own tears as he wipes James’ eyes, “I didn’t - I didn’t realise your dad used to hit you too. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked about it,”

James shakes his head, “It’s probably good for me to talk about it...better than keeping it all bottled up inside,” 

Chris moves closer to James and rests his head on his chest, allowing him a moment to cry. His tears fall into Chris’ hair and he can do nothing but hold onto him as tightly as possible and soothe him the best that he can. 

“Your family love you, Chris,” James says, breaking the silence, “I’ve seen all those letters they send you. They really, really love you. I don’t think they’re going to abandon you because you’re gay,”

“What if they stop loving me?” Chris asks. 

“You’ll always have me,” 

** ********

Chris comes out in his own special way. 

He makes the decision to not tell his parents he’s gay, because why should he have to make excuses for who he is? Why should he have to tell them who he is? Why can’t he just be himself without explanation? 

He comes out by walking into his parents house hand in hand with James, proudly announcing that he is his boyfriend like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Because it  _ is  _ the most normal thing in the world. 

His parents exchange a look that Chris cannot understand, but then his mother hugs James and his father shakes his hand. 

And then Chris understands; he really is loved. 

**Author's Note:**

> Churchtarts is criminally underrated and I will not stop shouting about the fact for as long as I may live. 
> 
> Comments/kudos are always appreciated, because I need validation. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr if, for some reason, you want to! https://e-sawyer.tumblr.com


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